Life seems to have come to a standstill again. Yes, this Neha has changed back to her old self. She can no more see the magic wand, which she hoped will change her life. Her dreams of and for future have been shattered. She is weary of fighting to save her identity, her happiness, which were truly never there. She thought that a changed and positive perspective can win over the world, but she was wrong.

Yes, I was wrong! And here I am, crying in pain, misery and lonliness. Of course, I am strong...for have I not fought with my own destiny to reach where I am today. But does being strong mean that you can't fall weak ever? It is a common saying that never mistake your enemy to be weaker than you or your over-confidence will let you down. Life is my opponent and I have never mistaken it to be a weaker one.

I know it's strange to read such thoughts from a person who always wrote about the brighter side of things, who always sounded positive, chirpy...happy. I seem to have lost that part of me and I confess that I have lost it to my strongest opponent - Life! I have failed.

My readers might find it wierd and may have words of wisdom and consolation for me; but dear friends, no words or thoughts can soothe the pain I am going through. The medicine has to come from within me, I know. But I am afraid, I have lost the strength to fight it out. I have lost it all...