Live Rather than Exist: The fairer sex

Showing posts with label The fairer sex - US :). Show all posts

Neha

I was going through the archive when I came across this I posted over a year back. Somehow, I really like it (the big-mouthed self praiser that I am!).

This one is dedicated to all the women who read this post....It's something I go back to when I need the motivation and confidence to move on.....Hope it works for you too :)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a feeling of control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder.... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .. whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods.... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

And blogdosts, don't forget... you are worth every happiness, every joy in the world. You are most beautiful, most intelligent and the best. Don't let anyone take away that feeling from you. For if that happens, it (or the person) is simply not worth it!

Labels: Random musings, The fairer sex - US :) 4 comments |

This is NOT FAIR!!

Neha

I stepped out this morning, looking as cheerful as I possibly could! (Whoever feels naturally cheerful on a Thursday knowing that Saturday is working!!!!!!!!!) You know my mood-lift trick na....wear something nice - what you like - when you are not in the best of your moods. So I got me to wear my sparkling white top, another one that gives me a cool and slim feel [ladies reading this would know what I mean :)]. OK, so I get down the stairs and am greeted by no other than my landlady, who smiles and adds in, 'You are looking nice...and white's suiting you....you are so fair, na!' I smile back with a modest Thank you, wishing she had not added that last phrase!!

It seems like a crime sometimes. Well, yes, I really do mean it! Now, don't get me wrong there. But I get that feel. I remember one of those wierd (and unwanted) statements by one of my batch mates, right before our farewell when we were discussing the colors of the saree we would wear on the D-day! Our school had the tradition of holding a beauty contest on similar lines to that of a Miss India contest...and not to mention, it was the only subject to be discussed at that time (who cared about the impending board exams!). Anyways, so while we were discussing who'd become Miss SMC (St. Mary's Convent), this girl walks up, unprovoked, looks straight into my eyes and says, 'What do you have...you are only just too fair!!!' I stood there, shell-shocked! My friends huddled around me with words of consolation, which of course included some words of disgust for my tormentor! But that phrase...too fair...stuck right there!!!

On a more recent occasion, my father took me to this priestess...yes, you guessed it...for match-making! She took a glance at me (and I hated it!!!!), fingered through some 'variety' of folded sheets in an envelope... picked, rather selected, some from them and started supplying information on some probable grooms. And then it came, ' Here, he is a doctor, and they want a fair girl... and she's so fair!' I glared at my father. So being fair meant that I have all the required and expected qualities for being the 'chosen one' for this doctor!!! Now I know why those regular matrimonial ads read Ati gori (extremely fair!). That's like the first and *one of* the biggest criteria! (For those who think I sound outdated, do a reality check again...and I hate to admit, however, modern and educated we might have become, we still have that 'fairness' syndrome in us!)

Coming back to my 'too fair' point, it's more like a sarcasm than a compliment most of the times. Kaneez would know what I'm talking about. In college, whenever my friends teamed up against me and I protested, 'This is not FAIR!"; they'd retort, pointing (yes literally) at me, 'This is FAIR!' I'd fume and walk away.

I got it from my family and I'm proud of being all that I am, and this is something I always say in my defense. And to this, even my own sister has a point to add - No, you are a bit more than us! My own friend Sarah says that we [she shares the gift(??) with me] belong to the white and pale clan! She goes like, we are the whiter ones who look pale, rather than the nicer pink! It's worse when you are all confused and look around for help just before a big occasion or a party with that big question - What should I wear??? And everyone around you come with help (of course) - you can wear any color, you are soo fair!! Don't I now expect that response before making a question! And of course I know that, but I want to look my best too!!!

Now, that's not for you to think I have anything to regret. Like I mentioned, I love being me (the modest me!) and I know I'd also love being me if I wasn't what I am. For in every way, each one of us is unique and special. But for being branded for anything that makes you feel like an outcast is a complete NO! This fairness syndrome is there to stay with all the fairness creams and lotions (meant for men too!)...and so, while you are already blessed with it, not every remark is a compliment.

Aah, I'd just let this ranting of mine stop right here. And I'm sure many of you, my blogdosts, would have similar experiences... now that may be for having a great height, lustrous hair, a fab figure, perfect culinary skills and so on. [None of which that I possess...sob sob]. Yet, I'll revel in my gift for being me. I am 'too fair' (according to people)..so what!! I love me!!!

I hate ending my posts on a sour note, so here's a beautiful poem for all you gorgeous women reading my blog. I picked it from Brittany's post :)

Dear God:The girl reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and she is very special to me.
Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most,
and let her know when she walks with you, she will always be safe. She is my friend!

Take care, blogdosts, and stay precious :)

Labels: I...Me...Myself, The fairer sex - US :) 14 comments |

Are we safe???

Neha

Are we safe? In the comfort of our homes, within the secured walls of our work places, while travelling in those public buses filled with so many of our kinds, while shopping in the busiest of markets...... are we 'women' safe??? My male counterparts might say that amidst all the terror activities all around, nobody is safe. I agree. But what about us, the fairer sex, who feel threatened with every uninvited glance coming our way?

I, too, have been subjected to such situations and have felt victimized. Of course, there is the option to stay as safe and alert as you can, but both these terms are subjective. With the number and kind of cases you hear and read about everyday, you feel angry and at the same time, helpless! There are perverts and sick people all around us and we have to share the space with them. We don't know them, we cannot recognize them... all we can do is protect ourselves to the best of our abilities. There are some rules I follow, which I want to share with you (forgive me for sounding like a dadi-ma :).

Prefer travelling/commuting with someone, especially during late hours; else avoid going at all! I know I'm sounding like an old granny, but that's too small a price to pay for our safety, trust me.
Carry a self-defense weapon always. I, too, have been carrying a pepper spray on me for the last four years now - a gift my brother gave me on Valentine's Day! And I have used it once in Gurgaon! Whenever I am travelling alone, it is in my hands and my cell phone in the pocket! It's the best weapon that works from eight feet away!
Be alert even while you are in an auto rickshaw or cab. I was returning from Noida and was on a call when the auto driver took a left into a dark, lonely by lane. I asked him to stop immediately, while he said it was a shortcut. I yelled at him and finally, he returned to the main road... rather hesitantly.
If you hire car/taxis frequently, do that from one trusted company only. Staying away from home, I require one frequently especially for going for weddings, receiving family etc, which usually are around late evenings and at those times, I make it a point to book one in advance from a place I have known for years now (however, I still am on my guard).
Do NOT wear clothes that are revealing, flimsy or too short/tight, if you are going out alone! Wear it only when you are with friends, preferably male friends in the group and that too in your (or friend's) car. A friend's wife argued that doing this was taking away our freedom. Why can't we wear what we like, whenever we want to? The answer is simple - you sure do not want unwanted attention or invite any trouble for yourself. If you are going for a party, why not carry a dress and change there, rather than travelling to the venue all dressed up in a cab or auto? Again, don't return alone!
Avoid empty/dark lanes or roads. How much ever late you are getting, take the longer busier route.
Do NOT take lifts from people you don't or you barely know! I was negotiating with an autowala in Defense colony market when this gentleman (???) called out to me saying that he knew me and we had met before. When I denied knowing him, he introduced himself and insisted on dropping me to my destination. When I further refused and walked away, he followed. I immediately sat in the nearest auto and made a quick exit.
If you feel you are being stalked/followed, trust your gut feel and don't hesitate to call for help. It's happened with me also. In fact, the last time it was in Lajpat Nagar market a few weeks back. I walked up to the entry area where there's security and hung around there till I felt safe enough to leave.
Change your routes and timings frequently. You never know when it is being taken note of!
Even when you are in your work place, be alert and awake. You sure have heard of incidents in these places. And if anything untoward happens, call for help immediately.
Try joining some karate classes. A couple or two of those stunts will sure make you feel safer and more confident.
A woman has that sixth sense to know and tell the intentions of a man. And I believe in that completely. So, believe in yourself! In these times, when trusting people you know is so difficult, trusting strangers is out of the question!
Never pass or stand close to a halted car, especially if is dark. (Courtesy: Vartika :) )
Join groups like http://www.fight-back.net/ and http://blog.blanknoise.org/. And don't just join; be active and participate. Till now, even I felt that these are not meant for me; but now I have every reason to be there, take a stand and fight back against all those perverts who think that they can get away with anything that they want! I don't know what big a difference can I make; but even a small effort will help me look into the eye when I face the mirror. (Thanks Ani, for all your info on these :). )

This post must have raised quite a few brows and I understand those well. But this is the least I can do for others like me. However strong a woman may seem, she'll feel helpless and confused when faced with such situations, when you have lesser time to react. However, there is one thing that you need to keep in mind always. Never compromise at the price of your honor. Forget what the world will say. It's your safety and honor that is MOST important.

And blogdosts, I will love to hear your ideas and opinion of how we can make ourselves safer. Your tips will sure help us not feel alone in a bad bad world!

Labels: The fairer sex - US :) 26 comments |

For Every Woman!

Neha

This one is dedicated to all the women who read this post....It's something I have been going back these days to when I need the motivation and confidence to move on.....Hope it works for you too :)