Don't you feel like acting mean, rude and shrewd sometimes? Or do you always want to be the goody-goody, lovey-dovey person? Trust me these past few days, I have got enough opportunities, and been tempted too, to put it across at people's faces!
...people who do not matter to me....
....people who have absolutely no significance in my life and neither I have in their's (so it's mutual)....
....and those people who would not care any less for me, had they not wanted a favor or help or maybe just that extra attention...

Yes, such people! And when such people call again and again, they barely know what test they are putting my patience to! They don't know me as well as to sense the indifference in my voice. Therefore, it'd be unjust to blame them.

You might tell me not to be bothered and not to let it linger on in my mind. Trust me, it doesn't! For two minutes after the call is disconnected, I am back to what I was/have been doing. However, the time spent in trying to suppress the ever-growing irritation during the call and then another two minutes of trying to vent it out after the call are, at times, too much to handle.

So, the next time I receive a call from a person, who grudged me for my position at work and who questioned my capabilities as his/her manager (obviously not saying anything to me directly), asking me to see is there is a suitable position in my new team in my new office, I want to say that I don't have positions for people who'd only backbite and only create a negative atmosphere!

So, the next time I receive a call from a person, who is actually not a friend and with whom I have merely exchanged greetings sometimes, complaining that I never answer calls nor do I bother to call back, I want to say that I am obliged to do neither.

The next time when a so-called friend, who hasn't bothered to call for ages, asks me to do that little favor of editing the resume or doing a small write-up, I want to make count the number of times when I tried to reach out to them and they didn't care to respond.

And I'd do all this while thanking them in some corner of my heart.
For if they had not been the way they are, I would not have known the value of others around me.
For if they had not behaved the way they did, I would have lived on in my world of illusions.

I would have, then, still thought that everyone around me loved and cared the way I did.
I would have, then, not half respected and valued all those who take the brunt of my anger, which was actually meant for that some other selfish being.
I would have, then, still believed that everyone can be trusted for I hadn't yet wronged them.
I would have, then, still not really understood the way the world works.

And yet, I would still love to give them that little piece of my mind. I would make enemies, I know. I am in those moods these days when the after-effects cease to matter anymore. Any remedy for this, blogdosts?

And yes, I know I vanish after making fake promises of posting regularly. Blame it on no one else, but me! I am experiencing bloggers' block and for once, I seem to have run out of words to write! I am trying to get back....hang on...

Some of my blogdosts also reminded me of the contest that I started last December, but dropped midway. I'd like to start it again. With this being the first post this month, I'd send a gift to two blogdosts who leave the first two comments on each post. This is valid for all posts this month! And I'll send a special gift to that 'one' blogdost who leaves a comment regularly this month.

I hope I made up for being away for so long.

Will come back soon with more. Till then, take care, blogdosts, and stay precious.

I feel humbled by your concern and love, blogdosts. Blogging is an integral part of me now, but more so are you all who make it so special. Last week, when I wrote the last post, I thought I'd keep away from this space for at least two weeks and give some rest to all turbulence and turmoil within me. At times, you just need to let go and that's what I aimed to do. However, I acted selfish and forgot that this little impulsive act can worry people who I hold so dear.

Isn't it so strange? I have not met most of you and in fact, have not even interacted apart from blogger or may be Facebook and networking tools. We live far away from each other....with instances where continents and oceans separate us, yet, we seem so close. When we read about each other and what's happening in our lives, we feel we are right there as a part of each others' lives. There's a special bond we share... a bond so gentle and yet so strong.

When I began blogging, it was to provide an outlet to that urge of writing within me...and today, it is part of my being. My days seem incomplete without Brittany's Not-me Mondays and all posts that are so simple, hilarious and yet, make you think....every day, I look forward to latest pictures of Elizah and Ethan and words of wisdom from Melissa....Nupur's posts make me feel as if it is a part of talking from the other end... Ani's posts personify a simplicity that humbles me....The Hall Family fills me with happiness and joy unbound....Teresa's post instill instant happiness and smiles....Mrs Potts whose posts make the day refreshing....Kelsey's writing rejuvenates instantly and leave me smiling....Winna whose words are so simple and yet so deep...Sarika, who met by coincidence but went on to become a good friend....Jenn who inspires me with her strength and courage...

To all of you and all others who make me feel loved and listened to... Zainab, Bala, Shubhjyoti, Pushkar, Haddock, Antarman and everyone else.... It's the unseen support and our special bonds that keeps me going. And my only request...always be there...I sure am not asking for too much :))

Will post the next surprise before the next week...and for the last post....Winna, mail me your address (I'll send yours and Bala's gifts together!); Shubhjyoti, I'll hand you your gift this coming Monday :)

Till then, blogdosts, take care and stay precious :)

I have made a promise to myself...to keep the promises I make here with you, my blogdosts. And I do remember I've promised you so many things and have not kept most of them. But I'm sure you'll let me make up for them now :))

So, here's the first of the few surprises I have for you :). Here is a poem from the many poems I have written...

When I look at the sky,
I wonder its height.
When I look at the stars,
I wonder their count.
When I think of the ocean,
I wonder its depth.
When I look at the high peaks,
I wonder their goal.
When I look at the flowing water,
I wonder its destination.
When I look at the sea waves,
I wonder their force.
When I hear the rustling of leaves,
I wonder their source of music.
When I feel the gentle breeze,
I wonder what they whisper.
When I look at the glowing sun,
I wonder its intensity.
But...when I feel that gentle touch
When I think of the vastness of love..
I wonder of no other
But only one, who was my mother...

This was the second poem I wrote in English. In fact, it was in that phase of life that I came to know that I could articulate my feelings and write.

And now...time for another surprise! And I'm sure you'll love it! It's been a long time that I've known you...in fact, you all are very important parts of my real and virtual world. It took me some time to come up with this idea through which I can express my love and gratitude towards you. So here it is.... from now, till the first post of the New Year (2010), I will send out surprise gifts to the first two blogdosts who comment on my posts :).

Sounds fun? But naah....that surely does NOT mean that you don't comment after the first two are there! I love to hear from you and what you have to say about my posts (Does that make me sound so desperate for comments? I don't mind :D ).

So there you go....don't forget to mail me the address you'd like to receive your gift when you post a comment :)

Till the next post...take care and stay precious :)

I have been away for some time from this space and that is not without a reason. It was because I was not able to keep my promise and so was determined that I will post only when I'm able to complete what I set out for. And though I have not yet completed the task, I have removed the hurdle in my way. So am feeling better and thus sharing it with you, my blogdosts :).

Do I not make sense? Aah...OK, let me explain. As promised, I went to the orphanage on Sunday afternoon to spend time with children there. I was all prepared for the little competition that I had to organize...with gifts, chocolates, candies...everything. The moment the children saw me, they rushed towards me, calling out 'Neha Didi' (elder sister). I was overwhelmed when they surrounded me telling me what all they had prepared and practised for the competition. Just then, their caretaker arrived saying that I could not spend time with them! I was shocked. She explained there were some changes and now I needed permission from the magistrate, not from the orphanage office alone! I had to return and I hated to look at the disappointed faces of the children and more so, I hated myself for being the cause of it!

Nevertheless, I went to the Magistrate's office this morning, submitted an application and was assured that I will be granted permission...all this in about two and a half gruelling hours. And I detested every bit of it, but the faces of those children made me stay put. I went into the superintendent's room and explained everything. Now, she was one busy woman with a call on her mobile phone with another one on hold on the land line! She managed to wrap up the first call in about 20 minutes and then proceeded to finish the next one in nothing less than 25 minutes. All this while, there was another group of women in another room having tea and gossipping away. So after she completed her important calls, she turned to me, 'So, what can I do for you?' I was aghast. Had I not just explained everything to her before she royally ignored me for those very short calls? Anyways, I kept my cool and repeated the story once again. She replied, nonchalantly, 'So file an application and we will look into your request.'
'Okay, ma'am, where do I need to submit it?'
'You can give it here or at the orphanage.'
'Sure, I will.' And I walked out of her room and asked the peon for a blank sheet of paper. Now, he was the only person with some concern and sense of duty. He gave me a sheet and even asked me to sit comfortably and write. I was more than thankful. Oh, did I mention that Madam Superintendent did not bother to offer me a seat all that while that I was in her room?

So, I wrote the application and waited for another half hour to give it to her. Of course, she was busy attending another important call! After reading the application, she bombarded me with questions giving me no time to even breathe - Which NGO do you work with; why do you want to do all this; where do you live; what activities will you do with the children; what days will you visit; how long your visits will be; where do you work; who told you about the orphanage; do you know anyone working there...and she went on. I tried my best to provide her with convincing answers. And finally, she reread the application and looked up, 'Okay, we will grant you permission.'

Hurrah! Finally! I thanked her and came out of the building, only with a bigger need to vent after all this ordeal... and that I did. Well, I should say, I am doing it all again right here!

However, I am happy. I will be able to keep the promise I made to the children. This has delayed the closure of the Joy of Giving celebrations, but late is better than never, right? So, this Sunday, I will do just that and will share all the smiles with you :)).

Take care and stay precious :)

The audience to poem recitals, dances, songs etc.

The entire group and their work

The beautiful creations!

Innocent Smiles :))

In a playful mood!

Their smiles and warmth helped me forget my illness for some hours and brought back the child in me while I joined them in reciting the long-lost rhymes and poems we loved as kids! I have asked them to prepare for a competition next week where they can perform to a song, sing, recite a poem or anything else they'd like. Let's see how the next Sunday goes. For now, my campaign is back on track... and I'm loving each moment of it. This month has taught me so much and there's still an entire week to go!

Till then, I'm trying my best to follow my doc's advise and of course, taking all those pills. Now if he's reading this, he'd sure kill me for the diet part! God, someone tell these docs that you do NOT feel hungry when you feel sick and you CANNOT eat, eat and eat!

You take care, blogdosts and forgive me for staying away from this space for this long. I'll make up for it...soon :))). Stay Precious :)

Yes, you got it right! I gave a chocolate to my locality's Mother Dairy Ice cream wala last evening. I have had this big urge to indulge in some good chocolate ice cream since last Saturday and none other, but Mother Dairy's choco-chip works at such moments. I am not too fond of ice creams, but you got to try this one to believe it. In fact, it's a MUST HAVE for all chocoholics like me! The vendor knows me quite well now and so when I stopped by his trolley, he informed me, quite sadly, that choco-chip cup is out of stock! That sure was disappointing! I went up to the display card board and tried to see if any other flavor would work for then. But NO! My taste buds squirmed at the thought of any other flavor. I looked up at his expectant eyes and said, 'Some other time then.' He nodded. I came around to the front and gave him a chocolate, 'This is for you.' He smiled, 'I'll get a choco-chip cup for you tomorrow.' I laughed, took his picture and continued my walk back home.

Sorry guys, posted this a little late, but you know who, rather what, to blame for this. Definitely not me! Though thankfully, am feeling a little better today. Got all the tests done yesterday and fortunately, all my organs are working just fine. They just need some oiling and greasing, which the medicines will take care of. My system has never been the sort to follow rules and healthy lifestyle and so the suffering. A friend suggested I have some gol guppas....only an iron can cut another iron, you see! Another one says that I should not quit chocolates, they are the blood for my good health! Isn't that like WOW! Get my doctor to read all this and prescribe as well. Aah, reminds me of my plan to marry a doctor. I promise you the next post on the benefits of marrying one :).

By evening, I was a little better and went out for a walk, when Sarah called (don't remember her? My friend in Mumbai). We kept talking while I strolled aimlessly. Just then a little girl caught my attention. She kept running away from her mother playfully and would bat her eyelids when her mother scolded her. Then, she came close to me and gave me an endearing smile. I smiled back and she ran to me and took my hands. I ended my call and walked towards her. She ran to her mother. I offered her a chocolate, which she took immediately, gave me her charming smile again and then shook hands with me. take a look at her picture and you'd know the charm I'm talking about.

Soon after, I went to get a pedicure done, something I had not indulged in for ages! What a relief it was! I have been going to this parlor for years now and no other can beat their pedicure. It's great and economical too! While the pedicurist worked wonders on my tired and ignored feet, I made up my mind. As soon as he finished, I handed him a chocolate and you had to see his surprise, which he soon overcame and gave me a warm thank you. I gave chocolates to the other staff there and all of them gave me a very sincere and genuine smiles. I walked out feeling happy and content.

So, this was it....made up for the days I missed due to my uninvited illness! And I am glad that I am back on my campaign in full swing.

How about you, blogdosts? I'm still to hear from you. While you soak in the festive season, don't forget to gift someone a smile. :)

Take care and stay precious!

Had a bad migraine yesterday and that too in office. And that makes me cranky and irritable. Rushed home directly from office and so couldn't give a chocolate to anyone. However, I made up for it early today.

Hiring an auto in Delhi is one big mess. They simply never ask for fair price and then, they come up with whole lot of excuses and grievances when you point out the difference to them. They are one lot of people who have all the trouble in the world and so unreasonable rates are justified for them! I wonder when will the Delhi government do something about them! Nevertheless, beggars can't be choosers and so you have do make do with what these autowallahs ask for!
I, too, had to go through all that when I was hiring one for office today. However, I don't give in to them anymore. Having been in Delhi for quite some time now, I've learnt how to deal with them to an extent. And so after about 4-5 autos, I finally got one who agreed and when I asked him the fare, he simply told me to give him what's reasonable. I fixed a rate and while boarding the auto, he asked me to direct him as he does not know the way. When I reached office, I asked him where was he from and he told me that he was from Bihar and had left his family there to earn a livelihood in Delhi. I paid him the fare and gave him a chocolate, to which he replied - 'Very nice of your, Madam.' I was shocked! 'You speak good English,' I complimented him. He simply smiled and said, 'I always wanted to study more, but destiny makes you do what you never thought of.'

I walked into the office gate in a daze. So much for the education system in India where even degree holders wander for a good job! I guess I was too shocked to ask him for a picture; but, was glad to meet a simple and humble soul in the morning.

PS - I've missed Day 9 too and will make up for it tomorrow. Not been keeping well and rushed home from office soon after lunch today. Hopefully, will feel better to go out tomorrow.

Till then, blogdosts, take care and keep spreading smiles around you :)

Now, today was an exceptionally long day with me looking at the watch again and again. A client call means having to stay late in office...and that is something I never look forward to. How time changes and so does one self! There was this time when I used to spend 16 hours on an average at work. So much so that people around me used to tease me that I work for it as if it is my sasural!!! And today, it's just how much I should stay and never a moment longer. In fact, now there are so many things I have to look forward to...things and people who make me feel blessed and loved :)).

Now for the chocolate of the day, today I gave it to a person I dreaded as a child. In the shadows of a night, whenever I heard his whistle or the banging of his stick, I would tug deeper in my quilt and cuddle with my mother. Little did I realize then that here was this man who gave away his nights' sleep for the safety of others; who would walk up and down the street tirelessly throughout the night occasionally calling out 'Jaagte Raho'. The phrase (or slogan) is quite a joke among us all, not realizing the efforts of those people who owe its copyright.

When I descended from my cab, I looked around for him. As the night was yet to slumber into darkness, he sat on his chair waiting and preparing himself for the oncoming duty. I called out to him and handed him the chocolate bar. He looked at it and said 'yeh toh bachche khaate hain.' I smiled, 'kabhi kabhi bado ko bhi khaani chahiye.' He simply smiled and turned hitting his stick on the road...more out of habit than any other expression.

A long day, with no rain, only a slight drizzle in the morning. Well, I shouldn't be complaining...it didn't rain during Monsoons so getting any rain now is a blessing. OK OK.... dear God, I am thankful for these surprise spells, but can we have few more of them... please...pleeeaaaassee!!! 'Be quite, you thankless old girl!!!' Here comes His reply...'old' and 'girl' together...makes me more sad :(((.

It was a special day because of another reason also. It was my younger brother's 20th birthday. As I write this, tears have shadowed my eyes. He was only 6 when our mother left us and since then, he has been more like my son to me. He has taught me the values of patience and selfless love. Even today, when I look at his face when he sleeps, I am reminded of that small little boy who would ride my back and memorize lessons repeating after me. His dimples are to die for and he is the smartest and most handsome brother in the world! (I know every sister has that to say :)). Here's my handsome and cute Ankit :)))... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART!

It was a beautiful day, rain and drizzle making it pleasant and lovable. Just one of those days when I want to go around doing chapak chapak in all those puddles that come in my way. A day when I want to let the rain drench me to the skin. A day when I want to enjoy the rains, lost in the sweet smell that comes from the freshly-drenched earth. A day when I want to be 'me' completely!!!

The only twist in this was I had to spend the entire day in office :((.... working and only being able to admire (and yearn for...) the weather from the huge window in front of my workstation. I thought to make-do with a cup of hot coffee, but Alas...no wishes were to be fulfilled today. With a new vendor in our canteen, the espresso machine has vanished :(((. The day moved on and so did I... occasionally, whining and sulking.

With the evening dawning in, I still hadn't decided who would the recipient of the chocolate for today be. I boarded the cab for home, but needed to get down at a chemist shop, near my place. Then, I hired a rickshaw for home and in that 7 minutes ride back home, with the cool wind tickling my senses, I almost forgot where I was. It was drizzling and when I got down at my home, I realized that the rickshaw-puller's scarf still soaked wet from the rain. At times, I marvel at these people and their laborious and determined way of living. I hate paying an extra penny to the ruthless auto-rickshaw drivers, but when it comes to cycle-rickshaw pullers, I never negotiate or bargain. I've always felt that these people truly deserve that extra rupee or two. They never argue with you, never say no to take you to your destination and they never take a longer route to confuse you or add to their fares. And they would never whine or complain about traffic or the government. They are simple people, hardworking and laborious.

So, I gave a chocolate to this rickshaw-puller today. When I asked for his permission to click a picture, he simply said - 'Le lijiye'.

That was the day that went by. Let's see who do I give a chocolate tomorrow!

How about you, blogdosts? How is the month getting along? How many smiles did you spread around?

Yes, you read the title right.... I did miss to give a chocolate yesterday. Not because, I forgot, but because, I didn't go out at all. So, today morning found me a little disturbed and thoughtful. I needed to make up my mind about who will I give the chocolate to and I also needed to make up for the day's loss. I sure was feeling guilty of not having been able to keep my resolution...that too just as soon as only the 4th day! So, instead of the usual one, I bought two chocolates!

Then started the difficult task - finding the receiver for the chocolates. I walked from my place till my stop... looking around for a person I'd want to give those chocolates. Somehow, no one appealed as much to me. Reached the office gate, a little sullen and sad :(. Entered office and was greeted by a very enthusiastic 'Good morning Ma'am'! I looked up, smiled and returned the greeting. Suddenly, there was a cheer in my step: I knew who to give the chocolates to!!

Every morning when I enter office, I'm greeted with the same enthusiasm, which infuses in me some zeal and motivation to look forward to the day. There, he would be at the reception, dressed smartly in his uniform along with the sashay and boots, giving his usual welcome smile. His demeanor doesn't look like that of a trained security person, but a gentle human being who enjoys his work (or seems to!). The other day, I was admiring the grand bouquet on the reception table, when he told me how the florist takes great care in making one that lasts for a few days. And every evening, when I would be making a hurried exit from office, I never fail to pass a glance his way, and give him an instant answer to 'Good evening/night Ma'am'.

For making up for yesterday's loss, I had an extra chocolate as my 'fine'. I walked up to the reception and gave the chocolate to the security person and then, then housekeeping guy who was standing close-by. They both gave me a very humble smile with a big Thank You. However, I couldn't take a picture as that would have meant getting them into trouble.

So that was me making up for Day 4 :). But your responses (read the lack of it!!!) makes me sad. Are you not sharing your gifts with anyone? Are you not making that extra effort to gift smiles and happiness around you? Are you not celebrating the Joy of Giving month with me??? :((( Of course, I'll be a little disheartened now. Though I'm enjoying each moment of it, the happiness diminishes on realizing that my blogdosts are not with me. And even if they are, they are not sharing it :(((.

Looking forward to hearing from you, blogdosts! Take care and stay precious :)

Sorry, I couldn't post this one last night, lest you feel I forgot about my resolution. It's been a good weekend so far. The afternoon went in visiting my doc, who I have not been able to see since I switched jobs and the evening went in Delhi Haat, a place I can never get enough of! It's all so beautiful there and I have this strong urge to buy it all!! I did get myself a pretty green phulkaari dupatta, something I had been eyeing for quite some time now. This is my Diwali gift to myself!! :D

By the way, I've already done loads of shopping as will be going home after nearly six months. Isn't this strange? I remember my days in the boarding when I used to yearn to be home and now, when I have the option to visit at my will, I am able to do it only twice or thrice in a year! And that too for not more than 3-4 days! My family too seems to have got too used to my being away! The fourth day at stretch at home leaves them asking me - Isn't your work suffering with you holidaying for so long??? Can you beat that!!! And now when I call Dadaji and tell him that am missing him, he asks instantly - 'Is all well??' Of course, yes! Can't I miss him just like that? :(

For my chocolate yesterday, I chose a very simple human being who has been with me for over a year now. She comes religiously every morning, goes about with her work and even does that extra bit to help me while I am cooking or cleaning up. Never complains, though she speaks very little Hindi, being a south-Indian. What touched my heart most was when she got me some idlis and delicious chutney on Holi, when I had a severe migraine attack. Yes, she works at my place and I'd rather call her my helper. When I gave her the chocolate, she gave me her usual very innocent smile and when I asked her for a picture, she posed for them 4 times and actually picked the one for me to post. Here she is, her smiling self:

I was looking forward to today....for obvious reasons - it being the start of a long weekend :). Started the day with indulging in sleeping till late, then went to watch Wake Up Sid! (Love the contradiction in this statement!) Nice movie, though not the expected KJ type :(. Guess I went in with too much expectations. Never mind, I enjoyed it nevertheless with loads of pop corns and Diet Coke! Hey, don't get thinking...I'm not on a diet...what with a tub of popcorn to accompany a 1-calorie (so they say!!!) drink!

On my way back after a nice day with a movie followed by shopping, it was time for the gifting of the day. Today, I chose the uncle who owns a very old and renowned shop in front of my home. Even before I visited his shop, he would nod and smile whenever I passed his shop. And before I knew it, I made it a point to greet him with a smile and a namaste whenever our eyes met! The goodies of his home-business are a delicacy and his smile & good nature befriends you. He has even introduced me to amla Juice (Indian gooseberry), which I now take religiously.

He is truly a great human being and a gem of a person -

Been confused since morning...who to give the first chocolate on the first day. After a lot of thinking, I knew that the first ones had to be children....for the rest, I have the whole month. The issue, however, was where will I meet children??? Being in office the entire day would leave me with little opportunity to meet any. Then, I thought that I might as well give those to some child the next day and make do for today. But, wouldn't that have meant going back on your resolution the very first day....and that was simply not acceptable to me!

So, I racked my brains (they work sometimes!) and I knew who to give the first chocolates to - My landlord's children. So when I came home in the evening, I went to meet them and gave them the chocolates. They were so surprised and happy that it made me happier!

Here is their pic-

You are right! This topic is inspired... no, not from anywhere else, but the latest Cadbury's advertisements. They have moved me so much that I am starting a little campaign of my own. And wouldn't I be so happy and excited if you all, my blogdosts, would join in with me too!!! That would simply multiply the joy infinitely! So, let's begin from Oct 1 and celebrate the month as the Joy of Giving month!!!

All we need to do is to give a small little gift to someone. This could be anyone... your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, peers, the local general store wale uncle, a rickshaw puller...just about anyone. Give them a sweet little thing and be rewarded with their smile.

But from all that you would know me, I'd never keep anything as simple as that (I know...that's the wicked me :)!) So the catch here is that your gift should be something you yourself like & value. So, all those clothes you were planning to get rid of or your old worn out utensils DO NOT count! And why this rule??? Simple - it's easy to part with things that have lost their value, but to gift something you like and treasure. Now, this could range from your favorite candy to your favorite pen!

I, for my part, am picking chocolates :). 1) It's a universally known fact that I am a chocoholic! 2) I've never liked to share my chocolate. In college, my slogan was - Chocolates & Boyfriend are NOT to be shared!

So....there goes.....starting day after, I'll write each day of my experience...I'll even try to click a picture of the receiver (if they allow me, that is!) and post them here. Hope to hear from all of you about what are you planning to give as your little bundle of joy :)