It had been a long day. She returned home, took a shower and placed herself comfortably on her bed, looking around for the remote control. Switching on the TV, she checked her cell phone again... may be there's a text. The cell screen showed the time again... four hours already and no text since then!

She toys with the idea of calling him, picks up her mobile... then snaps it shut. But, there's no harm in calling anyway. Just then, her cell phone rings. It is him! Nonchalantly, she answers the phone, while her heart pounced as if she was going to run a 100 metre dash!

"Hi, what's up?"

"Nothing, surfing channels... you tell me.."

"Nothing much either; just returned with friends after dinner, so thought of calling you..."

"Hmmm... so what else..."

And this goes on for hours and at some occasions, the entire day or night! Even with nothing common between them, these conversations last for hours, with each one reluctant to disconnect. They talk, share, laugh, fight, cry, fuss, pamper... all during these conversations. Cell phone has become the prime of her survival with texts and calls becoming the constant blood flow. What is it? Is it simply the presence of this person at the other end that is so important?

They have known each other for years and been the closest of friends. Even though they have barely met 6-7 times, they share the rarest bonding. He has always been there for her, even when not with her and she prizes him as one of the closest persons in her life. Every event is a reason to call him, to speak to him, to know his reaction or simply listen to him. She can share her darkest secrets with him, her silliest thoughts, her most coveted desires, her hidden fears, her forgotten dreams... and she does all this because she knows that in him she has a friend, a guide, a listener and probably... the biggest admirer. There are no pretensions, just an honest, pure and extraordinarily beautiful relation, which makes both of them feel complete and most importantly.... happy. She has seen relationships, but never similar to this one.

There is this constant urge to just be around there... somewhere. She feels elated of late... more content and more secured. She is unable to relate to this feeling as it's not something she has felt before. She argues with herself, fights with her heart, struggles with her emotions and then... gives in to her feelings and even those words that seem to be on the verge of spilling out. Unable to comprehend the sudden change in and around her, she questions herself and each time ends up with more questions than she can answer. Sometimes, she looks for those answers in people around her, and then withdraws to her shell seeking them within.

But there's one answer that can help clear all her confusion.... that one question that she poses to herself each time and the answer to which is what she has been running from........ Is this love?

OK, now that I am back to my blog space, time to complete unfinished tasks. First, some great news for all my blogdosts.... Gagan is home :)))) and I sure am all smiles. Thank you all sooo very much!!

I'll start with my first tag... courtesy Ani :). Hmmm... 25 random things about me... should be easy, considering that I always have so much to write :)

1. I love rains... anytime, anywhere! If it is raining, I will always have a reason to be out in the rain :D
2. Basketball is the only way to workout for me and sometimes, other games. But NO gym, yoga, walks etc etc... life cannot get more boring then :(
3. Family and friends top my priorities in life... anything for them :)
4. I still love watching cartoons and can watch Tom & Jerry for hours with my 5 year nephew :)
5. Chocolates & Salman Khan are my forever favorites!
6. Natural is the look for me... kajal & lip gloss do the magic :)
7. The color I wear depends on my mood :)
8. A vegetarian, I am not fussy about food, but mushrooms and ladyfinger are two things I'd always avoid :)
9. Watching aeroplanes and waving at them is something I cannot resist :D
10. Cooking is a stress buster for me. And I am one big ghar-ka-khana fan :)
11. Everything I do (Bryan Adams) is a song I can listen to forever (I've always dreamt of my dream guy singing/playing it for me :) )
12. If I set my heart on something, there is nothing stopping me then. Stubborn, impulsive...whatever...that's me :)
13. I am not a big ice cream fan; but am game for Mother Dairy's chocolate chips anytime :D
14. I rarely get angry, but when I do, it's bad! Only family and very close friends have seen it and they sure know what it is!
15. When shopping, I end up buying something in black.... impulse or choice...don't know... but you have to see my wardrobe to believe it!
16. I rarely paint my finger-nails, but my toe-nails always have a color on :)
17. I can be really difficult at times and my mood swings are sure not easy to handle!
18. If I have decided on doing something, I will plan it out to the finest detail, even if it's a small trip to my hometown :)
19. I cannot see my home messed up AT ALL... yeah, that's one Virgo trait that drives people around me crazy!
20. Sports interest me, but I watch cricket only when Team India plays! IPL... ICL... etc etc don't make sense to me!
21. I love all seasons - winter chill for the pleasure of hot Bournvita milk/ginger tea in the coziness of my bed; summers for water melon and musk melon; monsoons for the rains and the smell of the earth in the season; springs for making everything so bright and colorful and autumn for the rustling sound of dried leaves while you walk :)
22. I am not a music fan, but love reading Indian fiction! Ruskin Bond inspires me :)
23. I don't like mangoes! (Now, don't stare in disbelief!)
24. If I really want something, I can make it happen! & I have everything in me that it can ask for.
25. I am a believer & I strongly believe in love - for family, friends and for that special person in your life. If you can't love, you'll never know the true worth of life!

Couldn't be more random than that! And like I said, I can go writing for hours. And yes, you guys will see more activity here in days to come.... there's so much I have already planned on writing... so keep reading and keep writing :)

Minute after minute, hour after hour
Days pass and weeks fly...
Leaving me lost in the memories
of those moments when you sat by...
While I only looked at you...
and the love in your eyes;
Just listened to the words you spoke
in the midst of happiness... but why?
Why did I forget the bitter truth?
That another moment you will bid me bye.
You have gone, but I sit lost
in your words, heaving a sigh...
When next will you come to me?
When next will you sit by???
How much I miss you today...
It brings tears in my eyes...
to think that there are still many moments
still many hours... still many days...
That have to pass by.....

PS - Don't get your minds racing :). A composition I wrote years back (almost 10 years now!) , but felt like posting it here today. In fact, there are many others I love to go back to in moments of solitude. Yeah... will surely post more of them, but you'll have to wait for the time and my mood... I know that's being wicked :D
(BTW, this is the first post which got no spelling errors in the first go!!!)

Been quite some time, eh! Yeah, I know... after all, my resolution to write only after Gagan recovers. And I am back, keeping true to my promise with a new post! Come on, Smile now :))

First things first, a BIG THANK YOU to all my blogdosts! Wish I could express it better here. Nevertheless, A very big thank you from the core of my heart for all your prayers and wishes for Gagan. Prayers work miracles and unfold those magical elements that we yearn earnestly for. Your prayers gave Gagan the strength and resistance to hold on and so he did. Yes, he is recovering; though, will take some time to return to his usual self. Last Sunday, I asked him if he remembered my blog and he nodded. Then I told him that I have not written since he's there and asked if he wanted me to write. He held my hand tighter... and... smiled. And trust me, no other moment has given me more happiness in the past one month! After this meeting, there seemed to be a spring in me; I was laughing, talking and even playing with a ball outside the ICU (something that Lagan , Gagan's younger brother, noticed and pointed out to me!)!

The day when Gagan did not respond to me, I was shaken to the core; but when Zaffar asked me to get all Ruskin Bonds for him to keep my promise, a new sense of hope and faith came within me. Thank you Zaffar for restoring the faith and belief within me, which had forsaken me then. Your unrelenting patience gave me the strength to look forward. And thank you Lagan, for it was your never-say-die attitude that gave us the courage to stand upright. Until this incident, I had only heard about you, but when I met you, I felt I've known you since forever. I had resolved not to meet Gagan till he doesn't call for me (I know that was being stupid and childish!) and even did that for a week when Lagan messaged me saying that I should meet him for the sake of Gagan and myself. And the next day, when I met Gagan, he responded to everything I said! Zaffar and Lagan, our Bunty-Babli jokes stay between us, but they sure gave us all these fun and light moments! (God, if only they come to know who I am referring to!!)

Thank you Pushkar! If it had not been for you in these testing times, I would not have known who to turn to! From educating me about all those reports written in Greek (yeah, your medico language rather) to all those GCS readings (each one of us asks for the latest GCS reading when they go to see Gagan!) to listening to me and just being there always has been the greatest support. I am glad you are a doctor, but happiest that you are my friend!

And Jalpesh (if at all you read this!), thanks for ensuring that a bed is not booked for me there :). I have been cooking religiously for 3 weeks now and I am proud of you for making me do that!

The last one month has truly been a month of realizations and redefining priorities in life. Life gave us all a lesson of how unpredictable it can be and the blow came unexpected from nowhere, leaving us all helpless. There were moments of despair, but then the very thought that despair is contagious, the other one would hide their tears and bring up a smile to ensure that others did not fall weak. Then, there were those moments when even a small gesture brought immense joy to one and all. Each day in the last month has been full of prayers, hopes, faith, determination, bonding and.... love! And a month when I met some more wonderful people I now admire for all of their patience, faith and strength. Thank you, Almighty!

While I am writing this, its 6.51 am by the watch and birds are chirping to glory outside my balcony. The same language that I've never understood, but which has always indicated a new day, a new beginning and a new life to me. I guess I will go, stand for a while on my balcony, watch the rising sun, listen to the birds a little more closely and have a little tete-a-tete with the Superior one out there. I know He listens!

PS - I, hereby, promise a new post at regular intervals; and blogdosts, you can define these intervals and I promise not to let you down! :)

January 1, 2 am - a night I'd never forget... when I felt that the entire world had collapsed around me and I stood there, bereft ad helpless. I didn't know what to do, who to call. Tears knew no limits and life seemed to have lost its meaning. I called him. He was there to listen, to comfort... he was with me. And not only then, he has always been with me ensuring that I stand strong. In fact he is one of those few people I consider my Support System.

He is one of the strongest person I know... a real fighter - a person who'd not deter from calling a spade, spade. In fact, he is a source of my strength too. At a time when I was all lost, confused and shattered, he encouraged me to stream my energies and know the real me. 'You have to write and continue writing... you write really well and I will make sure that you always write!' One of the first appreciations and a great source of motivation when I became active on my blog space here. I receive a call every time I publish a new post, telling me he loved it. I know that he reads and rereads my posts and forwards my blog link to every friend. And if I catch him in between writing a comment to a post, he flips the screen and asks me to read them later.

And then, there are those days, when he waits for me after his shifts ; we go out, have paranthas or gol guppas.... and talk endlessly with all those high-fives in between. Whenever I call him, I am greeted with 'haanji', something that I am so used to now, rather than the usual 'hello'. The other day he said he will kill me if I don't get all Ruskin Bonds I have and needless to say, I have been forgetting to get them for him for the last four weeks now. I am not even able to open my mouth to explain and he'd retort, 'rehne de, excuses na dena... I will kill you now!' All I can do then is smile. And then, there's this party we have planned that is long due and of course, he has something to say to that too - 'aap toh badde log hain...time hi nahi hota!' He's someone with whom I can talk, share, crib, agree and disagree with no inhibitions or fear. At times, I fear his scoldings, but I know they are all for my benefit. He is one friend who has and will always be there, I know.

It was like any other day on Wednesday when I called him at around 2 in the afternoon. But on the other end, I heard a different voice... of another friend. He told me that Gagan has had an accident and he is in the hospital in a critical state. I rushed to the hospital only to know he was still unconscious and doctors were not saying anything certain. It's been 2 days since then... Gagan is still in the ICU, unconscious. I have not seen him till now, because may be I won't be able to bear seeing him that way.

I feel helpless, and I guess, in front of His ways, all mortals do. But I know one thing for certain... where everything else has limits... prayers don't. Today, I need you all, my blogdosts, to pray for Gagan. He needs our prayers. His family needs them. Prayers have the power to make miracles happen. Please pray that he recovers soon. When I go tomorrow to the hospital, I will go and see him. And I will take all your prayers along with me.

Gagan, I know you will read this very soon and might as well want to kill me for this also. By then, though, you will have all the Ruskin Bonds with you. Of course, then we have to plan our party and not just plan, but actually party this time... like I wrote on that picture - We rock together! You'd better get well soon... all of us are waiting... !

Blogdosts, the credit for my profile picture on Blogger also goes to Gagan :). (Dekha Gagan, I don't only take credit, but give it too :) )

Are we safe? In the comfort of our homes, within the secured walls of our work places, while travelling in those public buses filled with so many of our kinds, while shopping in the busiest of markets...... are we 'women' safe??? My male counterparts might say that amidst all the terror activities all around, nobody is safe. I agree. But what about us, the fairer sex, who feel threatened with every uninvited glance coming our way?

I, too, have been subjected to such situations and have felt victimized. Of course, there is the option to stay as safe and alert as you can, but both these terms are subjective. With the number and kind of cases you hear and read about everyday, you feel angry and at the same time, helpless! There are perverts and sick people all around us and we have to share the space with them. We don't know them, we cannot recognize them... all we can do is protect ourselves to the best of our abilities. There are some rules I follow, which I want to share with you (forgive me for sounding like a dadi-ma :).

1. Prefer travelling/commuting with someone, especially during late hours; else avoid going at all! I know I'm sounding like an old granny, but that's too small a price to pay for our safety, trust me.
2. Carry a self-defense weapon always. I, too, have been carrying a pepper spray on me for the last four years now - a gift my brother gave me on Valentine's Day! And I have used it once in Gurgaon! Whenever I am travelling alone, it is in my hands and my cell phone in the pocket! It's the best weapon that works from eight feet away!
3. Be alert even while you are in an auto rickshaw or cab. I was returning from Noida and was on a call when the auto driver took a left into a dark, lonely by lane. I asked him to stop immediately, while he said it was a shortcut. I yelled at him and finally, he returned to the main road... rather hesitantly.
4. If you hire car/taxis frequently, do that from one trusted company only. Staying away from home, I require one frequently especially for going for weddings, receiving family etc, which usually are around late evenings and at those times, I make it a point to book one in advance from a place I have known for years now (however, I still am on my guard).
5. Do NOT wear clothes that are revealing, flimsy or too short/tight, if you are going out alone! Wear it only when you are with friends, preferably male friends in the group and that too in your (or friend's) car. A friend's wife argued that doing this was taking away our freedom. Why can't we wear what we like, whenever we want to? The answer is simple - you sure do not want unwanted attention or invite any trouble for yourself. If you are going for a party, why not carry a dress and change there, rather than travelling to the venue all dressed up in a cab or auto? Again, don't return alone!
6. Avoid empty/dark lanes or roads. How much ever late you are getting, take the longer busier route.
7. Do NOT take lifts from people you don't or you barely know! I was negotiating with an autowala in Defense colony market when this gentleman (???) called out to me saying that he knew me and we had met before. When I denied knowing him, he introduced himself and insisted on dropping me to my destination. When I further refused and walked away, he followed. I immediately sat in the nearest auto and made a quick exit.
8. If you feel you are being stalked/followed, trust your gut feel and don't hesitate to call for help. It's happened with me also. In fact, the last time it was in Lajpat Nagar market a few weeks back. I walked up to the entry area where there's security and hung around there till I felt safe enough to leave.
9. Change your routes and timings frequently. You never know when it is being taken note of!
10. Even when you are in your work place, be alert and awake. You sure have heard of incidents in these places. And if anything untoward happens, call for help immediately.
11. Try joining some karate classes. A couple or two of those stunts will sure make you feel safer and more confident.
12. A woman has that sixth sense to know and tell the intentions of a man. And I believe in that completely. So, believe in yourself! In these times, when trusting people you know is so difficult, trusting strangers is out of the question!
13. Never pass or stand close to a halted car, especially if is dark. (Courtesy: Vartika :) )
14. Join groups like http://www.fight-back.net/ and http://blog.blanknoise.org/. And don't just join; be active and participate. Till now, even I felt that these are not meant for me; but now I have every reason to be there, take a stand and fight back against all those perverts who think that they can get away with anything that they want! I don't know what big a difference can I make; but even a small effort will help me look into the eye when I face the mirror. (Thanks Ani, for all your info on these :). )

This post must have raised quite a few brows and I understand those well. But this is the least I can do for others like me. However strong a woman may seem, she'll feel helpless and confused when faced with such situations, when you have lesser time to react. However, there is one thing that you need to keep in mind always. Never compromise at the price of your honor. Forget what the world will say. It's your safety and honor that is MOST important.

And blogdosts, I will love to hear your ideas and opinion of how we can make ourselves safer. Your tips will sure help us not feel alone in a bad bad world!

As I promised, my new post is here :). And it's not something to read, but look at! Some shots that I took at various places. Don't go on the order please... it sure took a lot of time and effort uploading these :).

So, sit back, scroll down and enjoy! And yeah, I still prefer my writing to photography :)

These were some shots I thought of sharing with you all. I hope it did give you a break from my regular long long posts! Yeah, I know I ain't much of a photographer, but still love capturing people and nature around me :). There are so many moments I'd love to relive. but because I can't, I want to keep them with me forever. At times, I so want to just go out with my camera and click anything and everything that catches my attention. And may be, I will just do that soon :). And whenever I do that, I promise I will share them with all my blogdosts here :).

PS - All the images on this blog are copyright and must not be reproduced without permission.