A Fighter...Naah... A Survivor!!!
Neha
So, the trauma is over. Well, almost! It's not always a nice experience in a hospital. In fact, it never is!

I was all pepped up Monday morning. A look at me and you couldn't tell that I was to check in to a hospital for the first ever surgery of my life in less than two hours. I was not able to make up my mind as to what I should wear!!! Yes, that's how it was; I wanted something comfortable and presentable.

Anyhow, I did check in looking all in place, as if I belonged there! I was showed to my room and then it happened. The realization of it all. I sat down on the couch, reluctant to even touch the bed. In no time, the nurses appeared with their trays filled with God-knows-what. An IV was fixed in my right inner forearm and an allergy testing (or anti-allergic, whatever it was) fluid was injected in my left. I shrieked with pain. No sooner was this through, the ward boys appeared with a surgical gown and a stretcher. I insisted I could walk, but they would not relent.

Soon I was being wheeled on a stretcher to the OT. And by then, the so-called brave me had given in and I was crying cats and dogs, even horses and elephants! Tears were streaming down both sides while I looked on helplessly. My first trip to an operation theatre, and I was hating every bit of it.

The anaesthetist was a kind person with soft looks and gentle voice. He assured me all will be well and began small talk. He asked how come I had never seen an operation theatre while I was engaged to a surgeon. I was quick to reply that 'he' was the surgeon, not me! Then he asked how did I land a surgeon and I don't know what I said to that. For then, he had injected me with something and next I knew I was in post-op, crying out in pain.

The night after was traumatic with painkillers being injected in my veins every two hours. Never before has a night been as long and wretched.

But after all of that, I survived! Oh, yes, I did!! And thanks to you all, blogdosts, for your prayers and good wishes. Though I am still bed-ridden for the next few days, the pain and agony is over. The post surgery complications remain and will take their time to resolve. But I am happy. Though not exactly I fighter, I am a survivor after all!!

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The Little Devils!!!
Neha
I dread them!!!

Those long, thin devilish looking things that are meant to suck your precious blood!!

Or those that are meant to inject life (medicines) into your blood.

Yes, I dread injections and more so the sight of them. Doesn't matter how many times I have been given those. Those little devils and I can never see eye to eye. It's that simple!

It happened this morning when I went to give some blood samples for a few tests. I was fine all along till I saw those, neatly kept in a box. The phlebotomist tried his best to hide his grin when he saw this young-old woman stiff on the chair, with eyes shut tightly and fingers clenched.

Ohh yes, before that I sure did come across as a brave woman who walked in smartly, inquired about the tests, costs etc. and assured that she is prepared for her precious blood to be drawn.

And then the sight of those syringes did much to unnerve me. For the life of me, I'd barter anything to save myself from the trauma. That's what it is, people. A trauma. Of course, you can say that it's a little prick, that's all. All my life, I have heard my parents, my grandfather and friends console me with those words.

When the guy taps my inner elbow trying to look for 'the' vein, I secretly wish he never finds one. For if he doesn't, he won't be able to put that horrible thing in my sensitive veins! Though there are some of these ever persistent people. This one time, a nurse was unable to locate the vein to put an IV and punctured my elbow no less than a dozen times!! Only the Almighty knows what kept me from leashing out at her.

If I go back in history (my childhood seems like ancient history now!), this fear must have taken birth on one of those flu shot days in boarding. We were all made to stand in queue while taking those shots and witness the procedure as each of us were victimized in turns. The following days were spent in pain with only the other arm functional.

My first hospitalization was when I had just passed from school. Returning from a college entrance examination, I passed out and woke up to find myself in a hospital with a nurse adjusting the rate of the IV fluid. I fell asleep soon after only to wake up at night in immense pain and a swollen forearm. The nurses were called and they duly shifted the IV from my left hand to the right. Morning after, both my forearms resembled those of a baby elephant's!

Each of those days when I was taken for a blood test or a regular shot are edged deep in my memory. The nervousness, the fear, the pain, the agony... all still remain.

I always forget when I am to hold my fist tight and when to leave it loose.

My eyes shut tightly, I still take a peek through the corner of my eye to take a good look at my tormentor.

I keep reminding myself that it's just a little prick and when that damn thing touches me, I let out a little shriek.

I count the number of those bottles (I know they are far too little to be called that) the guy fills with my oh-so-precious blood.

I insist on having that little round band aid on the spot for as long as possible. After all, it's just been injured.

I love to look at the machine when the little devil (read 'my tormentor') is being destroyed to nothing!

And I feel all dizzy and faint after the gruesome experience.

And of course, like a true Virgo, I fret and worry till I don't see the reports and let my heart be in peace that 'all is well'! (Though not always!!)

So yes, if you want to see this self-proclaimed brave woman running for cover and calling out her 'Mamma', all you need to do is show her an injection and she will be out of sight alright!

*********************
Blogdosts, I am in for a surgery coming Monday I have managed to avoid for a year (though I was very close to it then too!). You might see more or less of me here, depending on my condition. Do pray that I recover soon enough and am back in action soon.

Till then, take care and stay healthy and precious :)
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Celebrating Love!
Neha
Valentine's fever!! Seriously.

It's every where. Markets. Restaurants. Malls. Colleges. Radio. Television. The Earth. The Waters. The Air!!!

It amazes me. Just everything about it and more so, the euphoria and madness around it. Come on, don't get me wrong. I absolutely love the idea of being in love, with oneself and others! It sure is one of the most fantastic purpose to living.

But the focus on just one day to celebrate it; and that too with almost everyone vying for your attention, selling anything and everything in the name of Valentine's Day!!!

The other day, I crossed an Archie's store and saw this really huge teddy bear holding a heart shaped cushion that said 'Happy Valentine's Day'. It left me wondering - Who gifts such things??? Then there were offers all around the market in the name of the big day - Gift your valentine a free holiday or a free dress (after you buy one for yourself) or a free gym membership. I mean every one wants to give some else's valentine something for free! Now that gets interesting.

At my boarding, this day didn't mean much to any of us. Okay, so we were in the age when every thing and day and feeling was not all that commercialized. We had a three-months long winter vacation (Dec-Feb) and Valentine's day fell during that time. I think that made us obviously oblivious about this day.

It was during the last few years in school (a day school in my hometown) when the Valentine fever caught on. One of the things you will never miss to see at girls' schools is the traffic at the time of girls leaving for home. More than parents and guardians, there are boys from adjoining schools racing, lingering around or simply pining for the attention of their love interest(s).

As school captains, we conducted impromptu schoolbag raids a couple days before the D-days (read Friendship and Valentine's days). Wicked...weren't we ;)!!! And the kinds of gifts, cards and letters we found never failed to surprise/shock us! Then, while going home, a red rose (one too many) would fall in/on our conveyance (an auto rickshaw or car) and that happened with almost every girl in high school.

If you were observant enough, you could also see couples exchanging love notes/gifts, all away from the prying eyes of seniors, classmates, teachers and parents. The skills they displayed were awesome. I mean you just cannot catch them!!!

There was this one note from a love-lorn boy that accidentally (okay, I'm lying) fell in my hands and it was written in blood!!! The kinds of inspirations you get from Bollywood!!! The girl it was meant for started crying when she read it while I had a serious question - How do you ascertain it IS the guy's blood??? (I mean it could be from the mutton/chicken his Mom cooked the previous night. For how else will you explain blood that wrote like ink?! What an anti-romantic I am or a sadist maybe!!! Uh-oh, that's okay :)

And of course, there were (still are!!) these protesters (Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal apparently) who would not spare any couple they found together on these days. Didn't matter if the couple was married or actually brother and sister. They would bash up the boy, abuse the girl, make them do sit-ups and God knows what else!!! All in the name of our culture and how westernization is ruining it! Never mind that they wore Levis and Rayban and drunk only 'foreign' brands!!!

Then Delhi, where Valentine's Day has been nothing more than over-crowded markets, malls and restaurants. Last year, my siblings were visiting me and on the 14th, we happened to be shopping (all because it was a Sunday). My younger sister clutched my brother's hand and said, smiling sweetly - You are my Valentine. My 19 something brother shook her hand away saying he is so very single and doesn't want to send a wrong message to his prospective Valentine(s)!!! I looked around in the busy and very crowded market to see if there was a probability of this kind of prospect there. My brother is surely not one to lose hope!

Before you think me to be an anti-social person, let me tell you, I too have always gone with the flow.

Thankfully, I never gifted or received stuff toys. There was this period (and I call it period as it went on for a few years) when the doorbell would ring and someone would leave a bunch of roses at the doorstep. I could never find out who it was.

Then there was this incident when a guy threw a rose at me while I was riding pillion with my father on his scooter. The rose hit my dad on his eye and my dad stopped and scolded the poor boy left, right and center!

On another occasion, I tried to set up a date for a close friend and her guy. Every thing was planned out by me in complete detail - the roses, the gifts et all; only to find out that the couple broke off! The advance payment never returned to me :(

Ohh and yes!! I have also spent a couple Valentine's days while in college hanging around near the ghats (riverbanks of Ganga or Yamuna). Not that we wanted to, but it was all to help a friend meet her guy on the D-day! (We did the same on their respective birthdays and other "important" days.)

Now, this day brings in a lot more nostalgia. Hanging out with friends, deciding/buying gifts or helping someone prepare a proposal speech, feeding all sorts of lies to friends' parents (to help them meet their date!).... the list can go on.

With school and college a thing of the past, the excitement of these days does fade away. For me, I know I will have a 12-hour eye-to-eye date with the computer monitor in office this Valentine's day. I am still helping friends get nice gifts for their partners (I can be a great gift consultant, a friend said today).

While I spend my day in office, I hope we get to celebrate such days all year through. And why only partners, this time surprise yourself and gift yourself that new shirt or jewelery you've been eying. You can even get a bunch of roses delivered to your parents or better still take them out for dinner. You can even take your grand father/ grand mother to a park and spend some time chatting with them.

Whatever you may/will do for people you love, don't wait for this one day to express it. Celebrate each day with them. Life is very short and love, most precious!
Happy Valentine's Day, Blogdosts!
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New Beginnings - Health & Life!
Neha
Of course, I remember promising that I will share more of the changes that I am bringing (or at least trying to) in and around myself. Remember the anger management part. Ironically enough, I happened to lose my cool the same day I wrote the post! But I was against exhibiting it and ended up with a bad migraine. What they say is true - it's hard (and painful) to give up on old habits!

Okay, so the next on my list was my health. For the records, I was in the hospital in the first half of January 1, 2011! Oh yes, I managed to fall sick close to New Year's eve and while everyone was busy planning their 31st evening, I was trying to get an appointment with my doctor. So January 1 it was!

Meeting a doctor is always scary. They sure prepare you for the worst that your respective ailment has to offer. My doctor was no different and she told me in no fancy words that I need to "actually" take care of myself unless I want a surgery happening!

The message was straight and clear. And I did not want to take a chance. In fact, I'd never want to. My next step was getting all the information I could to eating right and staying healthy. Starting January 4, I was on my way. It's said it takes at least 21 days to make a habit. So I waited over 21 days to post/blog about this [clever me! :)].

Here are few of the things I am doing. And they have worked great for me till now!
  • I start the day with a glass of warm water with half a lime juice and 4-5 soaked almonds. This is my first meal of the day and healthy too!
  • Eating small meals or fruits regularly every 2-2.5 hours - and you know something! This way I am actually feeling fuller and more active. Even when I go out (not work), I carry apples and biscuits in my bag. [If you follow this, remember not to carry anything when going out for a movie; else, don't blame me if the security lady there makes you forsake a 'more-precious-than-diamonds' apple or your 'costlier-than-gold' orange/guava. Yes, I think about inflation too!]
  • A plate of salad with every meal. I carry a lot of it to work every day.
  • Cut down on tea/coffee and other drinks. I am not a big fan of tea or coffee, cold drinks I quit years ago and packed juices don't entice me either. So that was not difficult at all.
  • Drinking lots and lots of water! Something between 2-3 litres a day.
  • Dinner latest by 8 pm. Works for me else I end up eating endlessly on reaching home after office.
Let's count. It's been exactly 24 days now. Wait, wait...I am not a bundle of goodness or a strict disciplinarian! To be honest, all this goes for a toss on weekends and holidays as I am either not motivated enough or succumb to peer pressure. Yet, I try to have my quota of fruits and salads and even when eating out, I opt for the healthier options.

I have been doing fine on it till now and plan to stick to it for as long as I can/am able to. Blogdosts, please hope and pray that I am abide by it for as long as possible!

P.S - Anyone willing to try the healthier way, feel free to drop me an email and I will send you some charts and samples.

Till then, take care and stay precious :)
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Not Once, But Twice!!!
Neha
I confess that I AM one of the many superstitious sports followers who would not move an inch if the Indian side is performing/batting well (in this case, cricket), or will religiously change the channel if at all the team is not performing. As if it's me and my movements that control the game!

So last night was one such night. No sooner had I tuned in to watch India's innings, Yusuf gave three six in a row. And that was it. Being the superstitious fan that I am, I did not change the channel and dozed off while watching the match. Yes, yes, I know that it was exciting enough, but guys, it was almost 1 am!!

Then sometime in the middle, I woke up to find that we just needed few more runs to win. I struggled with sleep and finally won and managed to stay awake till the winning run. I switched off the television promptly and snuggled into my bed.

Just then, I felt it.

My bed was shaking, and shaking vigorously! Before I could realize what was happening, the steel almirah (cupboard) and the television cabinet were shaking and producing the scariest sound I had ever heard!

Yes, it was an earthquake!! I snatched my mobile from the bed and ran towards the balcony, shaken, shivering and dead scared. (On retrospect, I should have caught hold of my handbag too!)

The earthquake had come and gone and woken many from their sleep as gradually, the houses in the area had the lights on and people were on their terrace or balconies. All shaken like me and looking around quizzically.

Standing outside past 2 am in the morning in a t-shirt and pyjamas, with not a shred of woolen clothes had me shivering from cold soon after the fear died down.

Back in my room I weighed my chances. Living on the 3rd floor, I sure could not have survived had the tremor been stronger! This was the second one felt in about two months, the first one being far slighter. Even if I did try to run, I would not have reached the ground floor. Even if I managed that (only possible if I jumped from my balcony!), I would not have been able to reach any open area. Why? Well, don't question my running ability here. With the buildings and population around, even the closest park seems crowded and cramped!

I woke up in the morning and asked the first person I meet every day about the earthquake. No points for guessing. Yes, my maid! Well, she didn't feel a thing and slept through all the commotion.

Keeping all the excitement for later, I started for work. My office is ten minutes away from the metro station, and the walk in the sub-lane is safe, though a little bumpy and dusty, with all the construction work going around.

I was a few meters away from the turn to my workplace, when this taxi came from nowhere and screeched to a halt inches in front of me!!!

This time I had no time to react. I just stared. Rather, glared at the driver. The suddenness of the moment left me speechless and maybe white! I walked past the car, still too shocked to react.

As I recollected myself, the realization dawned. Not once, but twice!

Twice, I had felt a similar kind of fear within 10 hours.

Twice, I fell all white and may be helpless!

Twice, I felt that this was IT!!!!

Any lessons learnt?

Of course, yes!
  1. If at all an earthquake comes, I will run out intact with as many sweaters, jackets, socks and may be shoes!
  2. My next accommodation (if at all!) will be on the ground floor, right next to an open park.
  3. I am going to xerox and post all important paperwork home!!!
  4. I will learn some good cussing words, to ensure that next time I am not left speechless and have enough to scare the driver from doing anything like that again!!!
  5. Last but not the least, I am going to be a bit more careful and yes, thankful to Him for his small and big mercies on me. (I am a good girl, ain't I?)
********
Blogdosts, fret not! I am fine and safe. Both these incidents will serve as good stories to discuss for few days to come. Till then, pray that I have more funny things to tell you and not such scary ones :)

Take care and stay precious :)
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Not Just Another Day!
Neha
It's difficult for me to put down a book I'm reading. Yeah, it's kind of irritating for people around me sometimes. I always carry a book with me and can read anywhere anytime.

I read when I stand in long queues; I read when I am commuting or travelling; I read before going to bed; I read while waiting for my turn at the Doctor's.

In short, I read whenever I'm able to scrape those five minutes out.

Hence, long distances or extra waiting time don't trouble me as long as I have a good book alongside.

**Once I had these last two pages to complete of 'Night in Rodanthe', which I did after getting ready to go somewhere, standing, with the television blaring in the background.

One of my favorite time to read is in the metro train. It's convenient and comfortable. And I actually look forward to it.

So there I was, completely absorbed in 'Six Suspects' (by Vikas Swarup), clutching my handbag in one hand and holding the book in the other, absolutely oblivious to the world around me. When I heard something.

**I rarely hear anything when I am reading. While travelling/commuting, I look up to check the station name at regular intervals to ensure that I don't miss my stop. I never hear the announcements!

So I heard something.

No, it wasn't any music or a blast (God forbid!).

It wasn't someone falling or shouting or laughing.

It was someone munching. M-U-N-C-H-I-N-G.

Munching away at God-knows-what and producing the most obnoxious sound I have ever heard.

First I tried to concentrate on my reading and that is usually easy for me. Not this time!

I had to look up to see who it was. And there she sat, with the right ankle resting on the left knee, looking around and munching away.

This went on for the next few minutes, until I gave up and kept my book away. Letting out a sigh, I sat back and could not help but stare at the lady sitting across me.

She was in her own world, peering out of the glass windows every now and then, and still munching ever so loudly.

Then I knew that I am still not as good at concentrating as I thought I was! For here was this lady, whose munching not just distracted me but also made me keep my book away.

*Sigh* The things that I just don't have control over :(
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A New Year - A New Me (mmm...not really!)
Neha
24 Days to be exact. Yes, that's how long I have been away. Not so much from this space as I read others' blogs pretty regularly, but just that I don't write too often.

A blogdost wrote saying that blogging happens in phases. I can agree on this for myself, but when I see others writing so regularly, it sort of makes me feel guilty for not doing so myself. And then, I just received a few emails asking if all was well as I hadn't updated my blog for sometime.

Ohh, yes. All is well. And if anything doesn't tend to be, I make it so :). Yes, that's the new me now. Those of you who read the last few posts would know what this is all about.

And so even before the new year, I had ushered in the new 'me'.

No New Year resolutions for me.

No promises that I won't be able to keep.

No goals that seem too high and far from reachable.

No targets that beat me down instead.

And no aims that may eventually aim to get me into self-pity mode!

Well, I definitely am not forsaking the world or becoming a recluse. I am simply trying to make things better for myself.

My first step - anger management. Oh yes! I have a real bad temper. It takes some time to make me angry but when I do, I am bad! Basically then, I don't care!!!

I haven't had this forever! It just became a more dominant part of me off late. There was a time when Dadaji said that I am too patient and I need to take things more aggressively. Guess all that built up over time. For a few years by myself in Delhi and I had become this angry young woman! Of course, I have suffered enough due to this.

So when I began my backward journey, this was on top of my mind.

On retrospection, I am happy. I am not there yet...but on my way for sure.

Rest assured there are no tips I can share or any book I'd recommend. I have none! I am only trying to know myself better, trying to understand myself and what triggers that kind of behavior.

Trust me, making yourself see logic is far difficult than trying to make someone else do it. For me to do it, I need to get away from the situation/person, and give myself time. And it seems to be working.

How do I know?

'Well, just day before yesterday someone said to me, "Yes, you have not lost your temper that way for some time now."

That sure was a compliment!

So it seems like a new beginning from here. Things are looking up and I am keen to make them only better from here.

Disclaimer - I cannot and should not be asked for tips on anger management. Like stated earlier, I have none. And yes, self help books never work for me :). And yes, this is not the only change. I am keeping others for more posts. Be patient :)

Blogdosts, I do intend to making some good changes here too, which includes the design. If you have any suggestions, do send those to me. This design bores even me now :(. So come on, help me to bring about some more positive change around me :)

Waiting to hear from you.

Take care and stay precious :)
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