My last blog had people asking me what's wrong with me! Have I shifted gears??? Well....not really. Just that I felt that I needed to express what I felt on that subject and what better way to do it than my blog! And I am humbled with the response I am getting for my blog. Thanks all! Your support will keep me going!

And now, am back to my usual self and my usual writing :) And this one is dedicated to all those who have been writing to me about my blog through comments, emails and SMS. When someone says that they were able to relate to what I wrote, I feel happier. To be honest, I write for myself. I write to concrete my thoughts. I write to re-affirm them so that they are not only part of my thinking pattern, but become a part of my very being.

I write whenever I feel the need to express ... for somehow, I feel I have lost the ability to express in person. I write spontaneously as am doing now. No post is preconceived. And I feel blessed with having the opportunity to be able to connect with so many people through my blog. Some time back, I had a fear that I had even lost/forgotten how to express through writing, which has been my solace since I was a child. Every time, I tried to pen down something, it didn't work and I left it mid-way. But as I mentioned in my previous post, this new year has blessed me in so many ways and this is one of them. Now whenever I feel the need to talk, to express, I write and whenever I receive a response, I feel I am heard and listened to.

Thanks a ton, dear friends....you have no idea what wonders your feedback is doing for me! Wish you all the bestest in life always :)

Lord Krishna said - "To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction."

We all understand that we need to do our karma, notwithstanding the results. Go on, tread our paths with our actions and not worry about what it will bring to us as that is not in our control. True, very true. We need to continue doing our Karma.

This we all understand rather well. In situations when we know not what to do and where to go, we take solace in it and make ourselves understand that the result is not in our hands. But then, there are times when we even relate our inactions to this statement and argue that this is our karma. Is that right? Why do we forget the latter part of His statement - neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction?

Our actions define our destiny. They lead us to where we are and where we will be. They can make us a king or a pauper. As rightly said - What goes round...comes around. A good deed is rewarded and a bad one punished and all that happens in our world.

Luck, fate, destiny reduce to mere words when man decides to write it in his own terms. Our Gita also says that we can control our destiny if we work and plan hard for what we desire. I don't say that it is, then, wrong to think that we just need to do our karma and not think of the outcome. Instead we need to act in order to direct the outcome. It is our actions that should decide our destiny and not our inaction or fate, that we often term it as.

Nothing is impossible. We can face the biggest ordeals in life, provided we have the courage and the determination to do it. The beginning may be preconcieved, but we have to make the end our own. Leaving everything to destiny is the biggest gamble we play. We may succeed and we may not succeed. God has gifted us all with an intellect...each one his own. And it is our thinking that decides our actions. Why do we, then, ignore this biggest gift from God. It's upto us to be influenced and no one and nothing can influence us or our actions if we so want it.

I don't know what made me write this. But somewhere I feel that we all, at one point or another, blame our fate or destiny, not realizing that it is us who make it. We cry for what we have lost, but we don't reflect on why we lost it. It is in our hands to direct the course of our lives. It is our conscience or our aatman that should direct us ... not outer influences. For how long can you hide behind them? You'd need to look into the mirror one day - the mirror of your conscience.

There is a tune in the air.... a humming in the surrounding....a song in my heart....and a mysterious smile on my lips. Everything seems to have regained its beauty. There is life around me and within me. There is a new zeal, a new quest to live.....to laugh......to love.

This year has given me the biggest gift. Only 12 days have passed and each of them has been a different experience. Each day has given me something. I will share what I got in these 12 days:

January 1 - A New Year. Started on a sad note. By afternoon, I felt my world had collapsed before me. Everything seemed void...futile.....senseless...even the very breath which indicated that I was still alive. One look into the mirror shook me. No...this cannot be me! I took hold of myself....got out of my home and went to Sai temple to find solace. God also eluded me that day. In queue for 3 hours, I could not get to the temple. All I knew, then, was I have to meet Him...anyhow...anywhere. I then went to the temple near my place. I held His feet and cried. And I saw God....I felt Him.....I then knew.....He is everywhere.

January 2 - I told myself - Come what may...I have to get a grip on myself. I went out.....leisurely roamed in markets throughout the day then met my Bhaiya and then a friend. I came back to my place.....I looked into the mirror again. I had made a new friend - Me. I have a company now, which I know will never leave my side.

January 3 - I went to my sister's. I spent time with my niece and nephew. Their innocent smiles, undeterred questions and permeating charm made me forget all my pains. I talked to them....played with them....laughed with them...effortlessly. These two children made me realize that I still had the child in me that laughed and played. I was laughing...genuinely.

January 4 - I went back to what I have always found a great stress buster - cooking. And I enjoyed it once again. I, then, knew that I had to make that effort. I have to help myself...no one else can. This realization gave me a new strength. I felt strong...once again.

January 5 - The big day! I had been fighting with myself till now. This day, I had to face the outside world....had to rejoin work. I was scared that my eyes will reveal everything. I reached office.....nervous....vulnerable. Suddenly, a voice within me said- The world will see what I show to them and what I show depends on me. I, then, recalled the confidence back in my stride. I promised that no one will know more than I want to share. I have a promise to keep....a promise that I will keep to myself.

January 6 - Days had to be normal again and I had to make them so. Manifesting fake or false was not the true me. I have to be happy to show it...I have to smile from within. Mirrors don't lie and my mirror showed me a face I didn't like. I forced a smile and the face smiled back at me. I did it again and got the same response. Whoa...I had done it. I had seen a pretty me...smiling again!

January 7 - I left home earlier than usual. Entered a bookshop and gifted myself 3 new books. I was happy. I didn't have to wait for someone to shower me with gifts. I can gift myself.... any day....anytime.

January 8 - I cried. And then I stood up, stronger and more confident. I shed tears again....for myself. I realized that my tears were actually washing away the illusion I had chosen to live in. They were silently taking away my pain. They, too, are my own....my friend.

January 9 - Another day for everyone else. A new day for me. A day that showed that life has a comical element and comic timing too. I SMSd to my sister - Life is not only sad...it's funny too. She replied - Yes it is and it's great if you have the ability to laugh at it. I smiled and then I laughed. I had that ability....it's there within me!

January 10 - Places and people bring back memories. You can run away from them...but for how long? I had the option to stay away from it, but I made my choice. I had to look that fear in the face...else it will not leave me. I went to the place...scared of being haunted with memories... fearful that those memories will break me again. But...that did not happen! I spent my time without any inhibitions. My strength did not forsake me.

January 11 - I met friends...friends who had and have always been with me. The day flew by. I came home and made a list of my friends. I surprised myself again. I was a rich person...for how many can boast of so many wonderful people as their friends? I can and I am proud of myself!

January 12 - I applied kajal in my eyes, smiled and I knew that I have fallen in love again! It is so evident and I'd be a fool to ignore it. I feel good.....I feel elated! And I know that now, I will never be betrayed or left to cry in pain. For who I love will not leave my side ever. I am in love with myself...the new Me!

These 12 days have transformed me and given me a new strength...a new perspective.... a new life. The life I felt was void is back in all its hues and colors. The confidence that had been shaken, the self-esteem that had taken a battering are restored. Now, when I look into the mirror, I see a person who I always wanted to become. And I know I love this person :)

It's like a sea-saw.....this side...then that. My mind and heart. One moment you are that strong and firm that nothing seems impossible, everything is immaterial and the very next, you feel weak, feeble...vulnerable. Guess this is how life is....uncertain....unpredictable and... unassuming! It takes a U-turn just when you think the road is straight and lo....you find yourself caught, tangled and zapped!

It's weird, yet so human. Yet, I feel different...in fact, it's a new and alien feeling. And from here, as I look back, I have no regrets. There may have been things that I could have done better, but surely, there's nothing I did was wrong.

But, there's one thing I am happy about! I still have options and choices to make and I still have my heart and mind to help me make them :)

The options and my take on them:

1. Cry or Smile? I cry...I need to get it out of my system.....and then there's no holding back my smile....I smile at life, challenging it to come...fight it out with me :)
2. Hold on or let loose! I do both. Holding on makes me go back to it and then i let loose...rationalizing everything and then, deciding in my favor...for who else, but me, will think what's best for me :)
3. Stay put or move on? Stay put, if you need to, if you still have faith that things will come around...else....Move on! I am still to make up my mind on this :( ....Am open to suggestions!
4. Live in the past or look forward? I cherish the past as it's part of my life. And I am now looking forward to see what's next in store for me! Come what may...I am prepared...and better than ever before :)
5. Shut the world out or welcome it? I am welcoming it yet again....for there's no way I am going to let go all the beautiful things and wonderful people around me. After all, I got just this life to live as myself :)

Have many more similar ones before me and I have decided or am deciding my take on them! And life will continue to throw situations at me every now and then.... after all, that's what life is all about, right? I might tremble...I might fall...I might break down. But I know that there's one thing I will always have with me - Myself! I owe all respect, every smile, each bit of happiness to myself. Losing myself to situations will be to lose my confidence...my self-esteem....my very identity! And I'll never let that happen!

Existing will always be an option, but once again, I CHOOSE TO LIVE!

This one is dedicated to all the women who read this post....It's something I have been going back these days to when I need the motivation and confidence to move on.....Hope it works for you too :)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a feeling of control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder.... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .. whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods.... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

And friends, don't forget... you are worth every happiness, every joy in the world. You are most beautiful, most intelligent and the best. Don't let anyone take that feeling from you. For if that happens, it (or the person) is simply not worth it!

Today, being the first working day for me this New Year, I received warm New Year greetings from everyone I came across; but this one was different. I received it from a friend over chat - hope this year rings out the farce and brings real life in front of you -- and that life turns out to be beautiful :)

The farce - referred to here is definitely part of my blog link. And I am sure that my readers see a pessimist streak in it. But for me, it's not pessimism...it's the way I perceive life and it's my way of dealing with it. Someone once said to me that to him, life is amusing. Likewise, to me, life is a sort of parody. It is the situations in our lives that plot and conceive our reactions. How well you can control yourself in these situations is your way of living your life.

To the friend who wished me - I assure you that I will look for that beautiful life and not wait for a New Year to usher it. I will go ahead to embrace it, to live it and to cherish it and I will surely write that day that Life, after all, is beautiful!

Before, I begin to write, I'd like to admit that this post is inspired by a blog that I follow religiously. With due credit to the blog and the writer, my post is my perspective on what I read.

With the festive season almost over and the holiday mood now a hangover, we are greeting and being greeted with a cheery 'Happy New Year' from everywhere. The markets seem just too full of it and so does each one of us. Not being too idealistic or pessimist at the same time, I see no change anywhere but in the calender date. And maybe, that's all the New Year is all about! It's great to rejoice and look forward to another year, with new hopes and resolutions, but then, why welcome only a new year, which comes once in 365 days? What about each of the 365 days that make a year? Think for a moment...do we really welcome each day with the same warmth and enthusiasm? For surviving a whole year is an accomplishment, but so is living a complete day.

In the holiday season, we try to break the monotony by holidaying, celebrating and so on. And then, we are back to the routine grind of our everyday lives. We are back to our cribbing and complaining ways, back to the stage where everything is so dull and so just the same. We, then, start looking forward to another reason for celebration. Each of those days marked red on the calender are the ones we make plans for. And amidst all this, we actually forget to live the present day.

It is today that we have and we usually take it for granted. Our plans are for special days. Why not make today special? Go and meet your friend today that you have been planning for so long. Enjoy and relish each sip of your morning cuppa; go out for a walk with yourself; surprise your mom with your rare cooking skills for dinner today; smile and hug your dad; spend time with your companion, forgetting the fight you had this morning while rushing to work...in short, try and do all that comes in your mind. Don't leave it for tomorrow. Live this day and live it to the fullest.

So now, each morning when you look into the mirror, while putting paste on your toothbrush, smile and wish yourself a Happy New Day...and make each day of your life special.